A is for Apathy

Politicians like their voters poor and un-armed

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 01:24:27 GMT

I, sadly, am one of those people that, when I start to make comments about politics or other things of that nature, I will unbeknown to myself, become an extreme elitist bigot. That is something I am working very hard to avoid. So please bear with me as I write some commentary about a post that someone on my friends list wrote.

The gist of what they posted was on the track of, concerning the "War on Terror", that we should be steadfast because of the lives and money invested in our victory. This was, as I understand it -- please correct me if Im wrong -- a response to a friend's post which was something of the opposite note.

Lately, more and more of how life works has been revealed to me. I was raised in an uber-conservative, narrow-sighted home, hence much of my original views of the world were 'uber-conservative', and "that was the way the world was supposed to work". Since Ive started growing up, Ive learned a few new things. The first is that I do not know everything, and there are many people in the world who are wiser than I am. That was a hard pill to swallow (and trust me, it was not habit forming). Other revisions to my view of how the world works included, but are not limited to: the basic, expected conduct of the average Christian in America and throughout the world, Homo-sexuality, Child-rearing techniques and the fact that just because you dont say the word "bad" to your child does not mean theyre not hellions, Human psychology and a bit of sociology and the understanding of who people are, why, and how they change, how to read peoples minds based on their recollection and association with things that they may have recently talked about or seen, and other popular tracks. War has been another issue that ive dealt with heavily lately.

The fact is, to be honest with yourself and other people, you cannot be "for" or "against" this war, and still be open-minded. This is the first step in seeing the big picture. Something is what it is rather you think its something else or not.

I could go on a rant about the irresponsible, self-serving, corrupt corporatism that the american government has become, but thats another thing entirely. I could complain about how unfair it is that now our government is a two party system, instead of it intended open election format. I could say something stupid about the national debt. Im not.

I will say this as an opening paragraph, both to all of you who are reading, and to I_Heart_Mars whom inspired this little party:

I do deeply believe that pulling out now, after all of the blood and money that has been spend by The American Public on this war, that we are both throwing away billions of dollars of our own money, and slapping the faces of all of those who have bother served in Iraq and who have lost their family members and friends to this horrific death machine. Im trying to to be a bigot here folks, but this is fact.

To counter that, I also firmly believe that this war was started for no other reason than the financial gain of those in power, and to further push the sadistic agenda of imperialism. It has been proven throughout history that wars make money. Our government is making money because we now control, either influencially or directly, the flow of oil to american, it is making money because it is selling the American populous the convenient fear of terrorism, when we are living in the safest country in the world (I live beside a crack house, have been for the last five months, and I have the minimal number of locks, and I totally feel safe). American political figures are making money because we are developing tools that will kill people, and then selling them to countries around the world. They are making money because many of them probably have stock in war-time companies, just Lindon Johnson had more than a hand (try "a family") involved in the company that provided the United States with helicopters to be used in the war in Vietnam. War and people profiting from it are not a new concept.

That is my financial understanding of the status of this war. Government high-ups are making a killing (no pun intended) and dont plan on stopping any time soon. Actually, from what I understand, there is at least one permanent base being build in Iraq (its not being referred to as a 'base', but thats what the blueprints scream), and I dont see a time in the future when Iraq will not be a US occupied country. Just like the other 140-something countries of the world. This is something that the American public will never change because we are too timid, self-serving, and apathetic about how the world works to do anything about it.

Thats my fiscal observation, and I dare say its close to right on the money.

As far as lives lost, we must first look at all sides. For this particular post I will refer to both the 'liberation of Iraq' and 'The War on Terror' as one in the same, as I do not watch a lot of mainstream media news (if you are not counting the daily show), and really have not seen too many reports thats make the effort of distinguishing the two.

The "terrorists" that we are encountering today have always exixsted. Okay, not always. Like, it wasnt like, they were fighting T-Rex's and Triceratops to decided whose religious views and ethnic cultures were superior, but you get what Im saying. They were there before we invaded to "free Iraq from its oppressors". And to give that phrase a little weight, and to credit the intent of the beginning of the war, the Iraqi people, according to what ive read and heard, were oppressed. It was a tyranny. Im all about killing some ego-maniacal tyrants, what can I say. But that wasnt the main goal, that was the beard that was used. Shame, it was actually and admirable goal, starting out. Sadly, for those Iraqi citizen who actually saw hope for themselves when we arrived, actually helping out the country wasnt the top priority. I believe that if you personified the American Armed Forces (led by the American Government) and the nation of Iraq, the Invasion of Iraq probably went something like this dialogue:

AMERICA - "Hey dudes, were totally here to bust you out. We just blew up Saddams parking building, and maaaan was that an awesome explosion."
IRAQ - "That is soo totally cool. Now, finally we can rest easy because we, the common people of Iraq, have someone to stand up for US against tyranny. How will you help us find out feet and develop our country into a sovereign nation for the people, by the people? "</u>
"Umm, well, we figured we could just come in and kill some people, and then by then things would work out, you know. Uh, apparently Saddams regime was the one thing keeping 'bad guys' out of this country. Looks like some of you might die while we scramble to make any sense of something we only thought through for a few days before executing."
"I hate you."

Thats a good example of how its going. Things like education, clean water, and civil liberties are being offered to the common people of Iraq for the first time in a long time, and thats important to them. Unfortunately, were their only available source of those three things right now, so their pretty much screwed. We have a responsibility to the Iraqi public to uphold our end of the bargain, because remember we didnt ask them what they thought about being 'liberated'; we did it, and now we should hold ourselves to the task of at least leaving the place in as good or better condition as it was when we first step foot on that land (circa 2001, not a reference to the crusades, when white people invaded the middle east to gain money and land. We dont do that anymore, right?) Above all in this war - even above the lives of our own soldiers - is our responsiblity to the people of Iraq to protect and serve them, and to eventually provide them with a country that is in better shape than it was when we invaded it. Thats our number one priorty because thats what we said we were going to do. That is our top priority because the average Iraqi citizen isnt a terrorist, or a soldier, or an extremist. Theyre just regular folks, with a family, who maybe talk differently and believe differently then we do, but day in and day out theyre just trying to not die from our incompetence.

As far as our own soldiers are concerned (this is where I become a douche-bag), I have little "mercy", or "compassion" for those who serve. Now, thats not to say that I do not have any RESPECT for those who have signed up to give their lives, when needed, for the place that I live, and the rights that I use, and the way of life that I love. Those who willfully face death and proclaim that they will fight until their last breath not for their single lives, of the lives of those they love, but instead for the very thesis of humanity in the form of the ideology of freedom, democracy, and tolerance. For those who sign up for that, words cannot express the gratitude and respect that I owe them, as all of us do. What I will say, is that while it is sad, the death of a soldier is not tragic. Certainly it is for those who loved them as a person, as a personal friend, or a son, or a husband, or a sister. To those it is tragic, and I can certainly feel the empathy of the loss of a loved one for them, that is not wrong. But, a soldier, in essence, signed their life away the moment they joined up, and everyone knew what that was about. Its not a tragedy. Its sad, its un-wanted, and many times (like now) is un-needed; but not tragic.

The loss of American lives in Iraq is certainly unnecessary. This war could have been avoided, or at the least, better managed and made much shorter. American military lives are important, and thats why soldiers are trained to survive a war. They are innocent, they are not "the good guys", they are trained to kill because if they do not, in a hostile environment, their lives and the lives of others rely on their training. The loss of American lives, as I said, is sad and unwanted. Unfortunately, the American forces have made an understood promise to the nation of Iraq, and it is our responsibility as a sovereign country to fullfill that promise, knowing the price we will have to pay.

Okay, that was a little more opinionated than a simple 'observation', but its my blog so shut up.

In all honesty, thats just a view that Ive wanted to express in writing for a long time, but only recently, inspired by the post I read, have had the line of thought to approach.

Feel free to comment.

That was long post.
goodnight.

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 03:56:39 GMT

Plans for me have changed lately. Ive had to accept a lot of self-humiliation in the past week or so. Its nothing that anyone I know would have noticed. I keep things like that pretty well hidden. Most of what I had to level with myself on had to do with me not being the person that I want to be, or think I should be. Now, Ive visited this many times with myself and its not been that big of a deal. I mean, everyone has things about themselves they want to change, or maybe are already in the process of changing. My problem what that I was not accepting the responsibility to change them. I was just sitting there. Doing nothing. While nothing changed, then getting mad when the results werent what I wanted. Ive learned in the last week something that Ive told many of my friends in the past: you have to be your own self-starter. You cant just sit around expecting things to happen on their own or for someone else to accomplish what you want and then give you all the glory. This is something that I, knowing myself, will try to reject soon, but I hope that even when I rebel against the way the world works, as I do normally, a little piece of this will stick with me, and Ill end up a better person for it. For myself.

There are a lot of things that have been bothering me lately. One of those is that the next year of my life will be different than what I initially expected it to be. I had planned on moving in the next month or two, but because of certain circumstances -- and a lot to do with my own decisions -- I will be staying here for a bit longer than expected. This will be interesting. I think the biggest decision that comes along with that will potentially be going back to school. Yes the idea has crossed my mind. Here is the scenario: I am on academic probation from two years ago, because I did not give half a care about the classes I was taking. I am worried that this will follow me to the grave, so that in a few years -- according to my initial plan -- ewhen I tried to enroll in a different school far far away from here, probation and a horrible GPA would pop up out of nowhere and stab me in the face. This is a sincere worry of mine. Therefore, to my understanding, it would be a good idea to get into the school that I am on probation with, raise my GPA throughout this year, then be eligible to transfer next year given the opportunity.

Another problem that I now face since I will not be moving is one that Ive been trying to plot for a while now: getting out of my current job. Yes, the age old dilemma. The problem is that my job isnt all that bad. I get paid handsomely. I have life- and health-insurance, eye and dental, plenty of benefits. And did I mention I get paid handsomely? Yes, I do. Compared to what I do, the salary is almost obscene. I work in a prison. I work for a company that operates the commissary in a prison. I am pretty much a cashier and a stock boy. Now, given, I do have to deal with convicts 6 days of a regular work week. There is a risk factor there, its both agreed upon and understood when you take the job. The thing is though, really theres not all that much to that, even. Just watch your back, remember where you are. Ive been able to put up money quick with this job. Its a good one. The entire problem is that I do not want this job. I want the salary, of course. I want the minimum responsibility, no doubt. But I do not want this job, and I do not want it for a career. I do not want, in twenty years, to be consistently referred to as 'Commissary Mike'. That is not my goal or desire in life, and I am way too young to allow timidness and insecurity to snuff me out of my own future. The only problem is that I have a tremendously handsome paycheck, no degree or mentionable trade skills, and in this area of the country, Im not getting much better than what I got now. I refuse to quit my current job for any salary that is not at least relatively close to mine. This is a big deal, because for my future plans, I will need money, and like I said, I have really been able to put up in the past few months thanks to my salary. Enter the complications: part of me is afraid of moving to another job. So far I have not stayed with any employer for more than a year (actually, if Im able to finish out august with the job Im with now -- which shouldnt be a problem at all -- Ill have finished my first full year for a business), and I certainly dont want that reputation on my job history. I mean, thats practically 'heres my resume, Ill be quitting in a year'. Not the impression Im shooting for.

Another things thats been bothering me lately -- well, id like to say its sexual frustration. Id love to say that abstinence is driving me mad, and that lust for rampant post-teen sexuality is turning me into a monster. Id like to blame it on that, no doubt, and rest assured there are times. The thing is, thats not the problem. In short -- and maybe one day I will make a post about this -- I dont put much stock into sex. I mean, okay, its a good idea, but my philosophy is that there are much more important things to chase than that, and any healthy relationship between two able bodied people will eventually produce love-making. Finding sex isnt my problem, or my pre-occupation. The thing that is driving me crazy as of late is loneliness.

Now, I dont make a big deal about being single. I do make the point that I like it. I like it mostly. But there are times, increasingly as of late, that I just feel alone, entirely. Now I know that if I ever really had a problem with being the only person in a room, I have some good friends that would show up and wed have a good time. Thats not really what I mean, and I think everyone knows it. Theres a sense of belonging inside of you that having another person, and only that other person, fills. This is an on-going thing, so just bear with me.

Oh god its been so long since I updated. That is stupid, to wait so long to updat. Im sorry also that this was entirely lack-luster in entertaining or mentally-stimulating content. Maybe next time suckers.

goodnight, and goodluck.

Feeling Lame

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 02:01:20 GMT

Five minutes ago was the last time I stopped an update because what I was typing got erased. That annoys me to now end, because there is supposed to be an 'auto-save' feature to LJ now, and what does it do? Instead of recording the last five paragraphs that I wrote, it overlooks that and loads the two sentences that I was planning on writing a month ago. That is ridiculous.

Anyway, the post I was writing - you didnt miss much. Basically just my complaining about not having anything interesting to write about. Well, Im sure I could think of something, and the real problem is that I dont want to.

I really want to start using this blog a lot more though. I remember when I used to update all the time, I felt like I could express myself much better, both in writing and verbally, when I blogged normally. Now, when someone asks me how I feel about something Im like 'uhh, really, I really dont think uhh, that maybe that shouldnt be an option or something, like that?'. Seriously, I end statements with questions and everything. Why?

I feel recently that, wholly, as a intellectual and as a social being, Ive been on the decline. I dont know. I think that what Im actually experiencing is the feeling of getting lethargic. I havent ran or lifted in at least a month, if not longer. I know that Ive put on some weight - a significant bit - and I havent been eating well either. Im in the beginning steps of changing that. I guess. My biggest fear there is that Ill abandon it halfway - like Ive done so many times before - and then get mad and depressed about it and not try until a few months later, when Ive put on another 10 pound and have been eating Taco Bell everynight for the past two weeks. I just feel so uncomfortable anymore, around everyone. Just a little left of awkward, like there something I should be doing that I dont know about, but everyone else is kind of watching me screw up, and I can tell, so no one says anything and we all just sit around and stare at each other.

I really wish I had something to talk about. Like, something to think about, something to comment on, something to laugh at. Not because I wish I could please people and make them want to read what I write - though, really, that is nice to accomplish now and again - but basically because I hate when people just post stupid stuff like 'oh, well my day was fun, I went over here, and took a dump, then went over there and ate some pie, and then later me and a friend did some things, then I came home and did some more stuff then I went to sleep'. Those are no-contest the stupid updates, and the most painful - ever - to read.

So I think Im done. Goodnight.